Shut up

 

 

I was interviewing sales candidates last week and could tell in about three minutes if they were someone I wanted to talk to again. Occasionally, the first few minutes would go pretty well, then the candidate made the fatal mistake of not shutting up. They knew the call was scheduled for ten minutes yet they spent six minutes answering one question. Their total lack of awareness and inability to control their nervous chatter did not escape unnoticed. 

They had literally talked themselves out of a job.

“Part of learning not to lean is to get control of your dialogue.  Most people talk too much, and what they do say is often just noise or irrelevant gibberish. One of the keys to silent power is to control your need to talk.”   Stuart Wilde, Silent Power

Whether we’re in a prospect meeting, new business presentation, or exploratory phone call, most of us talk too much. The emotional desire to impress, the fear of looking dumb, and the aversion to being rejected can trigger nervous energy and turn us into compulsive motormouths. We fill all the spaces between words, forget to ask questions or listen to answers from the person across the table or on the other line.

Sales is like dating—sometimes we try too hard to impress. It’s okay to be charming, tell a story, and talk about ourselves a bit. But if we don’t know when to stop, we lose the other’s attention, and our cute quirkiness quickly creeps into ‘annoying’ territory.

People like to talk about themselves, share information with us, and engage in a meaningful conversation…if we let them. The key is creating a tiny window by simply stopping your mouth from moving. Risk the awkward pause that may come from not filling up the space. Despite our fears, this actually gives us more control, the appearance of strength, and attractiveness—not less.

Several practices that I try to focus on every day, to varying degrees of success and failure:

• Catch yourself when you’re running on and on—just stop and take a breath. It’s even okay to call yourself out and say something like, “I’m going to shut up for a second.”
• Notice your discomfort when you pause for a moment. This is especially relevant in a high-stakes conversation, on a hot date, or during a presentation to a huge Notice the fear and keep your mouth shut anyway. You won’t die or look silly, I promise.
• Prepare a couple of key questions in advance and write them down. It doesn’t matter if you are interviewing for a job, selling a new prospect, or presenting to an audience. People like to be engaged. Ask a question and then be willing to hold the silence for as long as you can bear it, maybe just for three to five seconds, which will seem like a lifetime. Rest assured, someone else will talk during that time.

If we focus on being more aware of and disciplined about simply shutting up and risking momentary silence, the dynamic of the conversation or presentation will immediately change. The competition is probably doing a horrible job at this. These little things can be important differentiators and make us more attractive to others, in business and life in general.

Here's to a little more shutting up.

Recommended book: Silent Power by Stuart Wilde

Onward.

Tom

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